If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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