At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
