Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
