his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
