ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
