I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
