Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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