You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
