Moan for me like Helen Keller
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
