I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
