No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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