Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
