do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
