She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
