went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
