I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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