My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
