the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
