My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
