I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
