Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize