Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
