My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My vagina is very pro this idea
im on a boat
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