She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
