She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
