If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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