I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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