I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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