If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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