You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
