One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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