Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
