I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
