Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
