well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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