listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
