Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
