She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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