Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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