Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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