things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
