Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
