I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
