WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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