I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
