It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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