There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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