I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
