I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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