just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize