i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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