Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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