Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
