At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
