Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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