sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
someone threw a dead crab at me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize