i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
