I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize