Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
