Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
