I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
